College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
