i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
