I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
