we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
