Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
