Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
