shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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