This girl is more easily done than said...
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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