I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I puked a lego.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
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