You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
