Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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