I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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