I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
