if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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