dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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