Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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