True but thats because hes a fetus.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
