I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
