What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
