I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
