I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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