Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
