Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
