How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize