Don't make out with my wife yet
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
