god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You're like the curious george of whores
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
