apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
