I am puke
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
