i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
