Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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