I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
