i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My penis needs a shock collar
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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