Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
