If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
