it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
