so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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