take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
