Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
