why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
