i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I want you more than these girls want KFC
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
