can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
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