i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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