Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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