I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
