she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
