so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
