i jhust puked up my retainher.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
