Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
