Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
