I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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