Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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