I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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