At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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