Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Fuck appropriateness.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
