Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
