If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
