I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
