i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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