I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
