she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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