I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
