chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize