dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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