Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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