I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
