atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
