I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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