My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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