i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize