Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
high people should be assigned attendants
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
