God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
